Saturday, June 13, 2009

You're Welcome

There are at least 500 web blogs devoted to the Penguins that are better then this one will ever be, so despite my love of the Pens I'm going to do my best to avoid posting about the Pens and their ability to inspire awe.
But since I didn't post anything for a month out of fear of jinxing them, and they did that thing with that Stanley guy, I had to do this.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Shut up Smizik

Read Bob Smizik defend Bob Nutting by arguing that he isn't the only reason for recent failures and embaressments.

Then come view my rebuttal to Mr. Smizik's article.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

2009 Steeler Draft Class

#1 (32 overall) Ziggy Hood DT
The 6' 3" 300 pound, 22 year old out of Amarillo, TX (don't the Steelers have another guy on the defensive line from Texas?) did 34 bench reps and ran a 4.91 40. If you would have rather taken Max Unger (a filthy Hawaiian, who was picked 49th by the Seahawks) with this pick, well I don't think you and me are going to be friends.

#2 (79 overall) Kraig Urbik RT/G
6' 5" 328 pounds, 23 years old, 29 reps.
Great pick that will be a serious improvement over Marvel Smith and Kendall Simmons. I've been playing as Wisconsin a lot in NCAA for the last few years so I support him.

#3 (84 overall) Mike Wallace WR
I was extreamly skeptical of this pick until I learned that they drafted the 22 year old, 6'0", 4.28 40 running Mike Wallace from Mississippi and not the 90 year old, venerable, broadcasting Mike Wallace, or the 50 year old, NASCARing Mike Wallace.
Anyways, he ran a 4.28 40 and that should be the only thing you really need to know about him.

#4 (96 overall) Keenan Lewis CB
Chad Scott ruined 6' 1" 200 pound CB's for me. So I'm not high on Lewis and his 4.54 40 time.

#5 (168 overall) Joe Burnett CB
He's only 5' 9" with a 40 time (4.51) similar to Lewis', but for some reason I have a higer opinion of him than I do of Keenan Lewis.

#6 (169 overall) Frank Summers RB

#7 (205 overall) Ra'Shon Harris DT

#8 (226 overall) A.Q. Shipley C

#9 (241 overall) David Johnson TE

Friday, April 24, 2009

Jack Wilson and FSN are Terrible

Nate Mclouth became the second Pirate in a week to injure himself while swinging a bat. In the time it took you to read that first sentence, thousands of people swung baseball bats and avoided injuring themselves.

Nate is day-to-day with a strained oblique. An oblique injury kept Delwyn Young out for 39 games in 2008.

But fear not, because Jack Wilson is ready to step up and be the team's leader in the face of adversity. He showed the younger players on the team how to play real "Bucco Baseball" by going hitless, striking out, failing to bunt Capt. Morgan to second with no outs, and ruining two double plays in the 10th. Burnett pitches the 11th if Wilson turns either one of those double plays, and we don't have to watch Capps lose the game in the 11th. Way to put the team on your back and fail in about every way imaginable.

Jack Wilson will make 7.4 million dollars this year.
Jose Reyes will make 6.125 million this year.

I don't think anybody would fault you for hating Jack Wilson for a few minutes.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Shocking News That You'll Never Believe

Ryan "Ironman" Doumit broke a tiny bone in his wrist and will be out 8-10 weeks. Doumit broke the bone while swinging a bat, something that millions of people do everyday without suffering a serious injury. Doumit has yet to play a full season in the majors without spending significant time on the DL.

This latest injury is further proof of my theory that Doumit's skeletal and muscular systems are made up of peanut brittle, saltwater taffy, and hope, all held together by strands of gossamer moonbeam.

Until Doumit returns to show off his great hitting and good defense only to limp off onto the DL again, get ready for a heavy dose of Jason Jaramillo and Robinson Diaz. I'm a big fan of Jaramillo's compact swing and think he could easily hit .270 with a bunch of doubles. I don't know anything about Diaz but I'm confident in wildly speculating that he'll hit .450 with 90 HR's

Thursday, April 16, 2009

John Madden Retires, News Outlets Bury the Lede.

It's been a tough year for Frank Caliendo. First, the "comedian" had his overly promoted, underly funny, show cancelled. Then, his best known impersonation retires.

Now the last thing I want to do is belittle John Madden's contribution to football.

He brought countless new fans to the game with the "Madden Football" video game series. He drove Pat Summerall to alcoholism. He was a color commentator that had the ability to entertain both serious and causal fans of the game. He introduced the world to the Turducken.

But the retirement of one of the most iconic voices in all of sporting is softened by the news that Chris Collinsworth would be taking his place in the booth.

Despite the fact that Collinsworth was a Bengal and possibly the twin brother of "Sam the Eagle" from the Muppet's, he's without a doubt my favorite color commentator.

And I can't even put my finger on a specific reason why.

I'm sure that part of it was his unadulterated hatred for Keith Olbermann could be felt through the TV on Sunday night, or the fact that his analysis of what is happening on the field is full of insightful quips and totally lacking in pretension.

Or maybe I'm just looking for a reason to be happy on the day that football loses one of its most iconic figures.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

# 42

Jackie Robinson broke a color barrier, and because of this, every major league player is wearing the # 42.
Bud Selig sees this as a way to honor a great man and to bring young black men back to the game. Bud Selig is a 74 year old white man.

The worst part of this promotion (and forcing every MLB team to retire the #42) is that it marginalizes every other player that had to deal with rampant racism while they were trying to hit a tiny ball going 90 mph. It is also a reminder that MLB owners used to hate African-Americans.

How many people know what Larry Doby had to deal with, or know of the racism that Clemente battled through? Baseball (and this country) used to be segregated in a way that most people can't even imagine, but focusing on one person marginalizes the contributions of everybody else.

Here's my point:
Having everybody wearing the same number looks dumb.

Duke of Hurl

The year is 2005, a young lefty by the name of Zach Duke goes 8-2 with a 1.81 era through 14 games. Bucco fans were thinking "Wow, the Pirates drafted and developed a top of the rotation pitcher".

Then, through the next three years, he gave up 50 home runs, 140 walks, and 646 hits through 507.2 innings.

Enter Joe "The Stache" Kerrigan (a man who once used a live rattle snake as a condom).

Now I'm not saying that Joe Kerrigan is the only reason that Duke is looking like an amazing pitcher again (the fact that he's in the best shape of his life might have something to do with it), but I am saying that Joe Kerrigan is a great pitching coach and very handsome gentleman.

KYIAM Manifesto

Kevin Young is a millionaire.
Between 98' and 03' he made 28.6 million dollars (about 14.3 after taxes).
He used HGH and only hit 144 HR's.
Kevin made his Bucco debute in 1992.
Mr. Young is the physical embodiment of Pirates Failure.
If it wern't for Kevin Young, I would have never started a web log.